Pendulation describes the back and forth motion of a pendulum—forward and back or up and down. In the same way, humans are constantly changing mood and perspective. We're happy, then we're sad, then we're happy again. We are intensely working on something, then a thought comes: “What's for dinner?” At moments, we can be completely absorbed in something, “in the zone.” But eventually, we change. The picture shifts, our mood changes.
In the past few years, several men have contacted me after discovering their wife was having an online affair. And several women have contacted me after discovering their husband was engaged in online porn or trying to get together with other women through social media or dating websites. Each of these couples was shocked and shaken because they never thought their partner would do something like that. And even the partners told me that they never thought they would ever do something like that.
While on a walk, after watching the movie version of “Phantom of the Opera,” I was surprised to hear a friend comment that something in the drama was upsetting to him. The facial wounding of the phantom seemed too small to warrant the level of reaction of violence; even wounds from his childhood wouldn’t have had to have resulted in such an extreme reaction. He told me about someone he’d met who had wounds from a fire, much more distressing and dramatic—and more believable.
It was a crisis. One of my clients was extremely upset. Susan was getting married soon and her fiancé had just informed her that he did not want to wear a wedding ring. “It’s so important to me. A wedding ring is the way that you announce to the world that you are married. I’ve been looking forward to wearing a ring for years. I don’t plan to take it off. What could it mean that he doesn’t want to wear one?”
