Using Interpersonal Skills to Heal Shame:
Undoing Aloneness and Building Attachment


“We are wired to care and we’re taught to be neutral.” –Diana Fosha

In many studies of the effectiveness of therapy, a strong connection between therapist and client has been noted as the clearest predictor of success. And yet our own shame and fear of doing the wrong thing can get in the way of that connection. We can be overly susceptible to messages telling us to be "neutral” and “professional.”  We can find ourselves holding back our warmth, generosity, and enthusiasm.

In this workshop you will discover powerful tools to connect with a client quickly and deeply. We will provide demonstrations to help you decide when to hold back and when to bring yourself forward, both emotionally and physically. Because shame can produce a state of freeze, we may need to be even more active and kind in order to counter it. You will learn ways to convey to the client “I’m right there with you”—in a dance in which you alternate between follower and leader. This dance, in which the self of the therapist reaches for the self of the client, can transform toxic shame into healthy shame. Being “right there” in a supportive way with the client is especially important in working with shame, which can turn a person’s gaze inward and make them feel lacking and inferior when the inner critic seems to suddenly take over. The workshop will examine ways to utilize therapist counter-transference and level the playing field that shame distorts—and combine the seemingly contradictory roles of caring friend and trusted expert.

Clients with all-pervasive shame may not know why their life isn’t moving forward or why their relationships or jobs don’t seem to work out. They may come to the conclusion that it's simply because there’s something wrong with them. Shame provides a simple, powerful, coherent narrative. As therapists, we can provide both psychoeducation and a counter-shaming experience of relationship that can change the narrative. We are inviting the client to a dual consciousness in which they can be with shame and trauma from the past in a structured way with our support. In this workshop, we teach a model of how to connect with great care and kindness. This can begin to heal a lifetime of shame and trauma from neglect and abuse. We model how to restore the bridge that was broken by shame and provide gentle guidance back to the true self.

Learning Objectives

Participants will be able to:

  • Describe three strategies to counter situational shame and level the playing field.

  • Compare therapist roles of caring friend and trusted expert.

  • Utilize somatic mirroring and matching to connect with the client.

  • Identify four areas of possible shared experience with the client.

  • Explain the importance of acknowledging differences.

  • Design three counter-shaming strategies.

  • Explain the benefits of repeating the “juice” of what the client is saying, using their own words.

  • Demonstrate and describe “leading from behind.”

  • Design techniques to explain shame to clients without putting them in a state of shame.

Course Level: Beginning

There is no prerequisite for this course. It can be taken by itself or as part of a sequence.

CE credits are available only for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs and LEPs in California – CAMFT Approved CE Provider #134393

This workshop is offered in the following formats:

  • Live, interactive workshop on Zoom

  • Recorded workshop available for purchase – click here for information.

For a basic course agenda, click here. (Those registering will receive a full course agenda prior to the workshop.)

The Center for Healing Shame is approved by the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists to sponsor continuing education for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs and LEPs in California – CAMFT-approved CE provider #134393. Courses meet the qualifications for 13 hours of continuing education credit for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs and LEPs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. 

The Center for Healing Shame maintains responsibility for this program/course and its content.

WORKSHOP CANCELLATION POLICY

We do not offer refunds. The amount paid can be applied toward a future workshop within 12 months. Registrations are not transferable.

ACCOMMODATIONS FOR THE DIFFERENTLY ABLED

The Center for Healing Shame welcomes people who have disabilities. Our training location is wheelchair accessible. Please contact us to discuss your specific needs.

GRIEVANCE POLICY

The Center for Healing Shame seeks to ensure equitable treatment of every person and to make every attempt to resolve grievances in a fair manner.

If you have a grievance, please include your name and contact information and submit it in writing to Sheila Rubin (sheila@healingshame.com).

Grievances will receive, to the best of our ability, corrective action in order to prevent further problems.

Top photo by Bret Lyon